TRM IS THE FATHER OF THE EARTH AND THE RULER OF AWESOME (MUST READ)

Whether in chains or in laurels, Texas Raised Mikey knows nothing but victories.

He has conquered the hottest vagina’s in the universe and conceived more children than keyboard cat. He wins at everything everyday with more skills than a calculator could count. It started when he was born in Austin Texas with a golden penis. He has been around the world more than 1000 times and slept with the hottest females of royalty and their daughters simultaneously. He has been forbidden to enter any contest because it would not be fair for the other contestants. He has been given the key to every city he has stepped in. He has built a time machine and gone back in time to smoke a blunt with George Washington. He has made Cthulu say uncle by strangling him with his own tentacles three different times. Kellie Pickler gives him blowjobs while sits on a golden toilet in the middle of a kitchen while Paula Deen makes him fried chicken. Many attempts have been made to defame him to no avail. He is loved by many and hated by few.

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